Things Do Eventually Work Out
Love is funny...
As the night went on, my boyfriend drank way too much and went to bed. Almost everyone had gone home, which left Casey and I exactly where I had hoped I wouldn't be, striking up a conversation with this guy that I assumed hated me already without even knowing me. I found myself thinking he wasn't so bad after all, and that his eyes had become a lot softer than before. We talked about a lot of things that night, and I assumed he was just being nice. I was in the middle of an awful time in my life and still felt like I was treading water. Talking to him felt effortless and I knew after that night, that I had just made a special friend. I had no idea, just how special he would turn out to be...
Throughout the next year, Casey wove in and out of my life. He moved away for a while, and then ended up moving right across the street. He was always quick to help me out with whatever I needed. He helped me move out of my parent's house, prep a horse for an exhibition, help me load my horse into the trailer at 7:00 one Saturday morning at the last minute, talked with me and listened to me when I was down, and sometimes went riding with me. He never pryed or pushed me to make any decisions...he just listened and offered me advice only when I asked.
So, after a few wrong turns, digging myself out of a deep dark hole, feeling misplaced, misunderstood, always second guessing myself, I have finally learned to love myself again over the last year, and through that, I unexpectedly found the love of my life. As Marilyn Monroe said, "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
I met Casey about two years ago. He was in a friend's garage working on a car, and when we were introduced he looked at me sitting on the steps in my riding breaches and red sweater with messy, curly dark hair, and said, "Oh, hi." nonchalantly and turned around and continued about his business. His eyes were a grey/blue and seemed almost cold and aloof. Instantly, I was under the impression that he thought I was just another stupid girl he didn't have time for. It didn't matter anyway, I was dating someone else, I just was hoping my boyfriend's friends didn't hate me...and this guy appeared to just hate women in general.
Fast forward several months, and I decided to have some friends over for dinner. I made fried chicken and we just had a casual get-together for everyone. When I found out Casey was coming I looked at my boyfriend and said, "Really? He's coming? He hates me!" "No he doesn't," my boyfriend said, "He just went through a really bad break-up with a girl he really cared about and he just sort-of hates women in general. Don't take it personally." I made a mental note to be nice and curtious but to skillfully attempt to avoid spending any time with him one on one.
As the night went on, my boyfriend drank way too much and went to bed. Almost everyone had gone home, which left Casey and I exactly where I had hoped I wouldn't be, striking up a conversation with this guy that I assumed hated me already without even knowing me. I found myself thinking he wasn't so bad after all, and that his eyes had become a lot softer than before. We talked about a lot of things that night, and I assumed he was just being nice. I was in the middle of an awful time in my life and still felt like I was treading water. Talking to him felt effortless and I knew after that night, that I had just made a special friend. I had no idea, just how special he would turn out to be...
Throughout the next year, Casey wove in and out of my life. He moved away for a while, and then ended up moving right across the street. He was always quick to help me out with whatever I needed. He helped me move out of my parent's house, prep a horse for an exhibition, help me load my horse into the trailer at 7:00 one Saturday morning at the last minute, talked with me and listened to me when I was down, and sometimes went riding with me. He never pryed or pushed me to make any decisions...he just listened and offered me advice only when I asked.
He also brought me Guinness, on a cold, misty spring day. Guinness was cold, wet, shivering, and wrapped up in a towel. Our friendship continued to grow, and he was gradually becoming one of my closest friends. My relationship with my boyfriend was deteriorating and he listened to my frustrations and saw many tears, all the while, never saying anything other than, "It'll be okay."
After a huge fight with my boyfriend, I realized that I was tired of waiting for my boyfriend to turn into someone like Casey. Once I thought of it that way, it felt like I had been hit by a truck. I had fallen in love with Casey. "Oh God," I thought to myself. Did he have any feelings for me? I had no idea. Even if he had feelings for me, I had dated one of his best friends. He may not even want to date me after that. Either way, I knew that if I was in love with anyone other than my boyfriend, things were obviously not right. I had no desire to marry him, and that struck me as odd. But, given the right circumstance, if Casey told me that he was in love with me, and wanted to marry me, I knew I could marry him that very day, and have no qualms, hesitations, or concerns. Wow. I would even be excited to be his wife.
I broke up with my boyfriend the following weekend, and then told Casey about my feelings for him. I was fully prepared to have him tell me, "You know, I have feelings for you, too, but I cannot act on them..." No matter what, I knew he would always be my friend. And if a friendship was all I could have from him, well at least I knew I was getting myself out of a situation that was only getting worse. No matter what I would still have a future in front of me that I could be happy with. I'll never forget the words Casey said to me when I told him how I felt, "You pretty much had me from hello." I couldn't believe it. "I thought you hated me..." I said. He laughed. That was only two months ago, and now we are married. We were married two days ago, with our parents, our dog, Sam, and a very special family friend, who officiated the ceremony. As chance would have it, we inadvertently signed our marriage certificate in the exact same spot where we had our first conversation...
Life is funny, how it turns out. The last several years have been the most difficult years of my life, but things are finally looking up. I would go through every bit of it all over again if it meant I could have Casey in my life and be this happy. I never knew that happiness like this ever existed. I am beyond thankful.
So, after a few wrong turns, digging myself out of a deep dark hole, feeling misplaced, misunderstood, always second guessing myself, I have finally learned to love myself again over the last year, and through that, I unexpectedly found the love of my life. As Marilyn Monroe said, "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." 
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