Brain Cells Let's Work Together, Please

The other day I was in a bit of a fog...Usually I would chalk this dense fog to a Case of the Mondays, and while that was probably part of it, I was feeling absolutely exhausted after this weekend.  Although our wedding was extremely casual, I think I was more excited than I have ever been, leaving Sunday and Monday with me feeling like I was a slug in a race against Secretariat.  If this had been an actual race I doubt I would have even managed to slither past the starting line as he sailed through the stretch.  Now, I know that there was a movie that came out two years ago about him, but Secretariat has been my hero since I was about six years old.  Yes, I know...my hero and I are not even of the same species, but whatever. 

In any event, I had many air headed moments on Monday which led to a series of blunders.  The first one started off with me realizing that I had accidentally left two chicken eggs in my tack box the day before, which is stored out in the barn.  Why did I put eggs in my tack box?  I'm not entirely sure...it was probably just convenient and low and behold...I forgot about them.  Much like I forgot that I had left the water running for the second time this month for Remi's water tank.  Say your prayers for Casey now, please. 

It was still dark when I embarked on my morning chore duties, and as I stumbled to the barn (literally, I chose to wear Casey's boots and I think I could fit about two more feet in there and be comfortable).  I only found one egg.  And it was broken.  All over my brushes.  I cursed myself because I should know better.  Raccoons probably rummaged through my things...nosy little bastards -  and stole one egg, broke the other one, and didn't bother to lop it up, instead, leaving it to settle over my brushes and my tack box.  Yuck.  And it was my own fault. 

The rest of the morning went rather smoothly...just slowly.  Not so much the day, more like my brain.  My brain cells were not only back firing, they were misfiring, followed by numerous shorts throughout the day.  The only thing that was able to rattle around up there for any length of time was wedding cake.  Super moist, marble cake with chocolate chips in it. Holy hell is it good and since Saturday evening I have had about five pieces of it...including a pinch for breakfast.  I have determined that I am now addicted to this cake, and cake in general.  But not just any cake...my wedding cake.  What am I going to do when I run out???  Buy another one?  That will get expensive.  So is Diabetes...

I decided to stop at the grocery store on my way home to grab a few items and as I made my usual pass through the produce section, curious to see if there were any specials for Fall foods, I saw one of my favorite vegetables: Acorn Squash.  Instantly, my mouth began to water.  Buttery, brown sugary liquid in the center of a roasted squash, just waiting for a sporkful of squash flesh to cannon ball it into the buttery, sugary taste of heaven. 

I carefully looked through the somewhat small acorn squash and then I found two that were just the size and roundness I was looking for.  Plenty of depth to easily serve two people...and for a larger pool of dipping sauce.  Never mind my concern for diabetes just hours before...

As I reached for the stem of one of the squash, I found I had to tug a little.  My dilemma was that my hands were full.  I had my purse on my right shoulder, my right hand on the squash, and my left arm was occupied holding the red basket full of groceries.  Well, as my squash broke free, it sent an avalanche of various types of squash rolling 360 degrees in every direction all over the floor of the grocery store.  My purse hadn't helped, either because it had fallen off of my shoulder, knocking even more squash onto the floor...Traitor.  As if it really made much of a difference at that point...there was now roughly 20-30 pieces of squash rolling across the floor of the grocery store.  Onlookers were gawking at me in my awkward one-legged stance with my right elbow holding up a remainder wall of squash, my right knee holding two squash, all the while balancing my basket of groceries and the cast of characters within my purse sprawled out all over the floor next to my foot.  It was inevitable that the moment I moved more squash would embark on the adventure, so I just decided to let them fall.  There have been numerous moments like this in my life and one thing I have learned is to never look at anyone.  All you will see are faces filled with shock that someone is actually that clumsy and you will only feel smaller.  Even if you don't think it is possible to feel any smaller.  At this point, I was a mere minuscule slug, still processing everything slowly. 

After about five minutes of crawling around on my hands and knees gathering squash in unexpected places by myself, I finally had regathered most of them up when one of the supermarket's employees said, "It's okay, I got this..."  I looked at the two remaining squash and said, "Okay...thanks..."

Later that night I managed to burn garlic bread and spill Casey's beer all over the carpet.  I bet he was wondering if I came with a warranty...